"Settling" down

Have you ever stopped to think about the what the term "settling" down really means?

We hear this term thrown around a lot. "Find yourself a good man, settle down and have some babies." or "When are you going to think about settling down?"

When did we start encouraging people to "settle" for anything? "Settling" down means exactly what---to accept whatever is in front of you even if it isn't what you want? To settle for something?

Why are women so eager to settle for unacceptable men nowadays? Why do we no longer value ourselves as the treasure that God made? There was a time when a woman would not have thought twice about dating a guy that was unemployed, didn't pay for dates, didn't open doors, etc. But now, we "settle" for that....why? In the name of feminism? desperation? fear of being alone? or because society has said that it is acceptable?

I don't understand it. And who are these men that have allowed themselves to be emasculated? When did men decide that being a gentleman was no longer a requirement? Not all women are willing to "settle" for a 2007 kind of guy. Some of us wanted to be treated the way we deserve to be treated.

I, for one, am in no hurry "to settle down" with anyone. I am tired of settling and being undervalued. I think I deserve the best.....because whatever man gets me, will be getting the best.

Is it ok to wear pink while I am in mourning?

I have always believed that when a relationship ends, a small part of your heart dies. I know that sounds overtly dramatic, but I think it is true. I guess that is why, we are always told to "guard our heart" and be careful of who we give it to.

So, if a part of us "dies" with the end of each relationship, what is the appropriate amount of time to mourn the death of a relationship? A day, two weeks, 3 months? Do we go by how long we dated someone or how painful the break up was? Or do we just dust our hands off and get back out there, looking for the next adventure.

What if it was incredibly painful, how long do we need to heal? What if it wasn’t that painful at all?

In some cases a relationship is like a bout of bad food poisoning. You know you probably should not have eaten the shrimp at the all you can eat buffet, but you did it anyways, and spent the next two days wishing you would die. You swear you will never ever eat shrimp again, but six months later you are ordering the all you can eat shrimp again, hoping that the results will not be the same.

A relationship can be the same way, you know in your heart you shouldn’t be dating this guy, but you do it anyways and within days you wish for a way out--even if it is a painful way out. You get out and weeks later you meet a different guy and jump into another relationship hoping for different results.

With the shrimp-you only gamble with your stomach. But with another relationship you are gambling with your heart. And if you haven’t taken the appropriate time to mourn your previous relationship-you just might be setting yourself up for a continuance of pain and mourning.

I do not believe that we have an endless supply of love in our hearts. Some of us fall too easily in love with people who are not worthy of our love, who will never love us back. We give it away so freely and just expect it to be returned. But in many cases, it is not and we are standing empty handed and empty hearted.

At some point, I think, we run out of love and where love once was, bitterness and regret reside. So,again, I ask, how long is the appropriate amount of time to mourn the death of a relationship? If we only have a limited amount of love to give, then wouldn’t it make sense for us to mourn a relationship for as long as it takes to ensure that we don’t make the same mistake again? Not that loving someone is ever a mistake, but if we continue to love the same type of people, who don’t love us back, then are we ever learning anything?

With all that being said, we only have a limited amount of time. You never know when you will be called home, so enjoy the days that are yours to live. Mourn for the loss of love, but don't hold onto that mourning, don't let it consume you and wear it like a cloak. Let your heart shine for others to see, just be careful of you give it to...make sure they are worthy of your love.

Can guys and girls...be "just friends"?

Tall, rugged, handsome...smells good...makes you laugh...opens the door for you...is uplifting when you need a shoulder to cry on..tells you when you look nice....makes you feel complete in a smallest of ways...

This guy is not the love of your life and isn't even your boyfriend, he is your guy pal. The one you bum around with on a Friday night when neither of you have dates, the one you call to go see an action movie when none of your girlfriends want to go and the one you talk to about all of your guy troubles to try and get a man's perspective.

When it all boils down to the definition of your relationship--you are just friends.

But does this really work?

I used to think it doesn't. But now I don't know.

It is definitely hard to be friends with a guy who is gorgeous and is seemingly perfect, and who treats you like you would want a boyfriend to treat you.

So the next question is--would it be better to be "just friends" with a guy that you might be romantically inclined to, but he doesn't share the same feelings or is it better to walk away from him (or her) so that your heart doesn't ache or break?

This has always been a conundrum for me since most of my friends are guys. In almost every incidence, one of us has developed feelings that were more than friendship, in some cases we even dated, which then is death to the friendship if the relationship doesn't work.

I just don't believe that a man and woman can be friends without having some sort of feelings develop--whether that is sexual or romantic. I can honestly say that I have walked away from some friendships because I developed feelings for a guy that didn't share those same feelings. You win some, you lose some, I guess.

I have a few special guy friends, that I truly value their friendship and would hate to lose it.

So, as I move forward, out into this big world, I will continually test this theory. Can opposite sexes be "just friends"? We shall see.

Searching for....

Inspiration.

I have a lot of thoughts going through my mind....but none of them seem to want to connect together to make a complete sentence. It seems that when a person mourns a loss of something they thought was meaningful, their body shuts down and in a sense, hibernates all other emotions, as if to protect itself, from itself.

I know there is hope. I know that there is a purpose and path for each of us. But sometimes we lose focus of that....we try to take things into our own hands and attempt to "out do" God....and he sits back and lets us do this, knowing full well that at some point in time, we will crash and burn and come back to him for the help that he had already been prepared to give us so long ago.

That is where I am at. I give up. I just flat out...give up. I am so tired of running in the same circle, over and over. So, I give up.

Let GOD do what he will....and until then...let me heal and find some much needed inspiration in life.

Ode to Blue State Bill

This blog is in response to a comment left on my Illegal Alien blog by someone named "Blue State Bill". In his comment, he refers to me as a "racist" and goes on to comment that America was built up on the back of slaves and not by American workers.

I wanted to respond in a blog to this person, instead of just commenting on my post.

First of all, let me say how proud I am to be an American. It is an honor to live in a country where I am able to speak my mind and have an opinion all my own.

When I speak of "Illegal Aliens", I am not referring to just one race. I am referring to all illegals that are in America. Russians, Chinese, Hispanics, Africans, Germans,...etc...it doesn't matter what your skin color is, all that it matters is that you are here in our...my...country illegally. It would be hard to argue that a majority of illegals in the country are not Hispanic, when in truth, they are. So, everyone just assumes that is who we are talking about. But I do not discriminate...illegal is illegal.

Second of all....I would like to point out that by negating the efforts made by American workers, Blue State Bill, you are not only unpatriotic, but an exact reflection of the type of person that destroys the very foundation that America was built upon.

Slavery was an unfortunate event in our history. But that era has passed and I am tired of Americans carrying around the burden of the past. We no longer have slaves and all men/women are created equal in the U.S. Enough with the slavery talk.

I do not believe that slavery is what built America, at least not entirely. Americans....of all different races....worked hard to build this country. This country is not a land bought or built by slavery.

Please, free your self of your "white guilt". Allow yourself to freely think for once. Don't follow the popular trend of "diversity" and "acceptance". America has rules and laws for a reason. If immigrants cannot follow those rules, then they do not belong here.

So, Blue State Bill....you may call me a racist....but you would be wrong. I am not a racist...I am a proud American who loves her country and has no intention of standing by and allowing narrowminded thinkers like yourself, to continue to destroy America. The last standing land of the free and home of the brave.

Presidential Candidates

Obama, Clinton, Edwards, Thompson, Guiliani, McCain, Romney....Nader???

Wow, what a mixed bag to pick from! For the last few months I have listened to friends, co-workers and family talk about their points of view on the future.

First you have those that cannot get past the whole Bush issue. Bush sent us to war, plain and simple, should this war be over-----well, yeah. Do we know all the details and what that entails?? No. Should American men and women continue to die for Iraq? Hell no. One good bomb, and we would have taken care of that whole country. But instead, we are trying to educate them and help them create a democracy. This to me, is a lost cause. I would have no problem obliterating a country that continues to create terrorist.

Second of all.....Hillary Clinton?? Barack Obama? John Edwards? Could the Democrats be so stupid as to have the three worst D candidates in the history of time?

* A woman president? HAHAHAHAH! Yeah.....and Elvis is my next door neighbor. A woman does not belong in the presidential seat. Especially an evil one like HIllary. How can America respect a woman, who stood by her husband through numerous affairs? What does that say about her integrity? What about the White House cover-ups? Is she really a Lesbian as rumors say? Would she handle the pressure of the presidency? Could she get us out of war? Would she allow America to be turned over to the illegals and foreigners? If Hillary wins the presidency, I am moving to Mexico....I would have a better shot there, than I will in the US.

* Obama....oh yeah, here is another good candidate. A black man, with little to no experience, who cannot keep his position straight and the only thing you ever hear him talking about is how he is better than Hillary. Well no kidding Obama......you might be better than a woman, but your still a nobody with minority status. You belong in the White House as much as I belong in Harlem.

* Edwards...oh blech! I mean, come on people! A personal injury lawyer! A PERSONAL INJURY LAWYER???!?!?!? He lies for a living!! He manipulates words and thoughts as his career! and this person wants to be President? I mean, he ran with Kerry for crying out loud....the main is a moron. Not only that, but his wife is diagnosed with terminal cancer and instead of stepping out of the race, he runs forward like an unloving and empty soul. Yeah, America, let's vote him in.

*Guiliani--New Yorker, liberal/moderate, believes in Abortion....what more can I say.

*Romney--could be good. Moral, family values, wants to see America safe, supports the war....but...is he too soft? Will his religion get in the way? Can he pull us out of Iraq? Will he protect us from the illegal aliens that are taking over our country and destroying our borders?

*McCain--this guy is CRAZY. A veteran that doesn't support the war and therefore, doesn't support the troops? What kind of war hero are you? This guy has had years to make up his mind on his position of the war, and he waffles each year. America doesn't need a man that suffers from a napoleon complex. McCain is out.

* Thompson---Umm...not sure. Seems straight laced, experienced, but does an acting career and run through the Senate give him what he needs to run to this country. We will see.

What's it mean when people like Nader are looking better than the candidates? Or that people are hoping we have a "Ross Perot" appear out of nowhere?

People need to quit blaming Bush for everything. Quit being so simple minded and believing whatever you hear on TV or watch on your Michael Moore movies. War is war...it happens, whether an R is in the house or a D. Doesn't anyone remember 9/11. They bombed us....they hurt us in our own country. We had to retaliate. We are America and no one can take that from us.

But, I am not holding my breath for the future. Enjoy your rights while you have them....one of those Democrats get into office, and those rights will disappear about as quickly as a Krispy Kreme doughnut at a Weight Watchers meeting.

What would we do without love?

You know those scenes in all of the romance movies....where a dashing young man comes running in to save the fair maiden who is in distress and helpless??? Yeah, well, I hate those scenes. I hate how in every movie, every girl looks perfect, every man acts like a gentleman and their lives always end up "just the way they should". I hate that they never have to suffer, they never feel loss, they never reflect upon the fact that people will let you down and they never, I say they never, show you how much love truly hurts. Because lets face it, at some point in our lives, loving someone is painful. Why don't movies and romance novels talk about the nights you stay up crying yourself to sleep in anger or hurt? Why don't they talk about the 20 pounds you gain when you start dating someone or first get married? Why don't they talk about the insecurities that both people bring to a relationship that can be damaging and bonding all at the same time? I am always told that Love is not supposed to hurt.....it isnt supposed to be work...and it should never ask you to give up the things that are best about you... but the truth is, loving someone is a sacrifice. You do hurt.....things are hard...they arent easy. Who are these people that are in relationships and loving each other that just float through life in happiness? They don't have mortgages? or PMS? They don't have tough times?

What about the passive aggressiveness....when we don't want to face the fact that we maybe failed in some way, we take it out on our partner...we shouldn't, we know that, but we do anyways. Were human.

But you know....you look in the magazines, the books, TV....we sugarcoat love at every corner. We confuse love with lust or codependency and we lace it with cocktail hours, weekend getaways and various other things...and we try to convince ourselves that we truly know what love is.

Love is a sacrifice, it is putting someone else before our own needs, its telling them that you love them even when you had a bad day and you don't want to, it is eating the burned dinner, walking the little dog, laughing at jokes that you have heard a hundred times, it is that soap smell that lingers on the skin after a long day, it is a kiss on the forehead, it is a walk in the rain, it is getting someone a glass of water when they are sick, it is joy, it is laughter, it is ironic, it is happiness, it is ups and downs, it is a struggle and if love was so easy, the world would be full of it. Love isnt a bad word...it shouldnt take you years to find someone to tell it to....it shouldnt choke you and it shouldnt be something to fear. God made us to love one another...and life is too short to give up on love.

So if you find yourself alone.....or feeling that way...or unloved....don't give up...it may not be what the movies portray it to be...it might not be perfect and you may find it in the last person you ever thought could give it to you....but love is out there. We all deserve to be loved....no matter what.

Some Kansas ramblings.....

It is 11:14 p.m. here in Olathe, KS. It is hot, humid and there is barely a breeze blowing. There is no one out on the street, no cars zooming past or honking...just the crickets chirping and some other bug, I have no idea what it is called, buzzing. It does that all day and all night. I have heard from some of the locals, that they find this incessant buzzing noise, annoying. But me, I find it very soothing. Like a low hum that will lull you sleep.

The air is different over here. Sticky....and sweet smelling. The sun looks enormous in the blue sky....that for miles and miles ....stretches out with not a building erected in the skyline to break the horizon.

It is hard to describe the smell over here......sort of reminds me of sweet caramel with maybe just a hint of honey. I wonder if this is what heaven would smell like?

Coming from Seattle to a place like this, makes you see just how much the city life takes away from the rest of the world. For those that live in a city....step outside......awaken all of your senses and tell me what you see, feel, taste.....I know when I step out in Seattle....I see dirty...trash....grafitti...I smell....urine...feces...garbage...sewer....and I taste....well, I dont know what I taste....but I am sure that all that pollution I breathe in daily deposits something on my tongue.

What kind of peace and quiet do you get in the city? Sirens run all night long, doesn't matter what part of the city you live in. If you live in apartment complexes, people come and go at all hours. Cars race up and down the street....with loud mufflers.

But sitting here in Kansas....you hear...peace. Now, don't get me wrong..the city has some nice qualities. Interesting musuems, parks, shops and restaurants. You can walk to most places and for the most part, people are decent.

But, can you see the stars and moon? Can you watch the sunrise in the morning without hearing a car honk or a person yell? Can you leave your home and walk to a store without being asked for money or if you want to buy drugs?

Kansas may not be heaven earth....it could be far from it. But just being here for a day....has made me appreciate the country living I grew up in.

If you get a chance...get out...away from the city. Appreciate that world God made for you....take in its' beauty....I don't think the Garden of Eden had any skyscrapers in it.....

When did "Illegal" become "acceptable"?

The dish washer, the janitor, the fry cook, the house keeper--what do these all have in common?

Illegal Aliens.

On my way to work, I walk past the Mexican Consulate, which is always full of various Hispanics. I can honestly say, that I am not sure as to how many of them are here in our country illegally, but I would bet that many of them standing in that room are not here on work visas and do not have American citizenship.

When did we become a society of people that accepts the fact that our country is no longer worth protecting or valuing? Are we really ready to live a life of sheer mediocrity? Every illegal alien that we employ or allow into our country, takes us further and further down the path of mediocrity.

Instead of requiring people to learn our language-we are now specializing in foreign languages so that we can be accommodating to foreigners. We have facilities that they can run to for assistance with free health care and food stamps, and while we have skilled workers that are unemployed, sitting by the phone at home waiting for a call for work, we are employing illegal aliens to do these jobs because it is cheaper.

I find it confusing, that a country that was built up on the back of AMERICAN laborers--that was designed and created by men and women who valued the country they lived in, would now allow our country to be turned over to individuals who cannot even respect our borders, let alone our rules.

They do not feel that it is important to learn our lanuage, they do not believe that they should go through the process of becoming a US Citizen and they certainly do not believe that they should work an honest wage to earn their place in America.

Being an American Citizen is a privilege! Not a right. This country was not created to house ALL of the world's broken, poor, sick and underprivileged. While we can be a refuge for some--we cannot be a resting point for the entire world.

As an American, aren't you offended at the actions of those that are here illegally? Doesn't it upset you that they do not value our rules and American ways?

I for one, am tired of the liberties that are being taken advantage of by illegals and am ready to see some change! If you know of illegals that are working here...ILLEGALLY.....turn them in...report them....you would report a robbery or theft wouldn't you? If someone assaulted you, wouldn't you report that?

Well this is no different...America is being robbed and assaulted everyday by illegals. Are you going to stand by and let them do it?

Michael Buble Rocks McCaw Hall!

Last night, my mother and I witnessed one of God's most amazing creations---Michael Buble!

If you get a chance, check out this link http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aujHkFwRPsw

He was awesome.....beyond awesome...well worth the money spent and a memory I will hold dear for the rest of my life.

Thanks Mom!

Emerald City or Tarnished Jewel?

It's 6:00 a.m....dusk. The moon is trying its best to compete with the sun which is creeping its way over the foggy horizon. It's chilly this morning...more so than usual...and I am kicking myself for not grabbing my coat. I am not usually up this early, but my work schedule called for an early morning, so here I am. Starbucks in one hand, purse in the other....I-pod blaring some music that most Seattlites would find distasteful, sunglasses on so that I am not required to make eye contact with anyone. Icognito.....just the way I like it.

It's odd this morning.....so quiet. Which is unusual for Seattle and for a brief fleeting moment, I feel as if I am somewhere peaceful.....somewhere else. It is still to early for the homeless to be out...or awake....there are very few people on the sidewalk heading to work...and almost no cars..except for a few buses that speed by me.

I walk a few blocks towards my office...reveling in the peace and quiet, which is rare these days, when I am jolted from my daydream by a runner, who nearly knocks me off my feet trying to pass between me and a sign. No excuse me, no I'm sorry....just fleeting glance...as if I didn't belong on that sidewalk to begin with. A few steps later, we are standing side by side, waiting for the hand to change to a man, when I notice, this runner.......who I am sure is sweating her tofu and soy calories right out of her body.....has some poorly done and oddly placed piercings all over her face. The irony of this strikes me so funny, that as I am staring at her, I start to laugh, to which she hears and turns and glares at me. Which just gave me all the more reason to laugh and shake my head.

The irony is this: From behind, you see an attractive woman....long red hair....semi lean body...not too tall, not too short....just right. As you approach her, you think...hmmm....I bet she has a pretty face...or...I bet she has no problem getting a man ....etc...and as you are thinking these thoughts....never once does it cross your mind, that this lovely person, could be anything other than that. Then they turn...and you get the full opportunity to take in all that they are....and are shocked to see...that this lovely person, is not so lovely afterall. Tattoo on her neck, piercings in her eyebrows, nose, ears, lips and chin.....heavy goth make-up and dark circles under her eyes, decorate what could have been a lovely face......so this thought crosses my mind..."Why are you up at 6 am, running...to keep your body in shape....when you have already counteracted all that work by destroying your face? What difference does it make what your body looks like now?"

Now some of you may think I am being judgmental....but can't you see the irony? She is working so hard to preserve the beauty of her body, but yet....negates that by making herself into a walking pin cushion.

This all leads to the fact...that this single person....reflects all that is Seattle. From behind (the outside) the city is inviting, intoxicating and lovely...full of opportunity and seduction.

However....once you get a good look at the "face" of Seattle...your shocked at just how unattractive it really is. This city works so hard to beautify its "body"--by environmental rules, recycling mandates, diversity marches, art parks, pigs at the market, etc......it never takes the time to clean up the "face" of this city. Homeless people scatter the sidewalks.....litter is everywhere....gangs run wild through the cities surrounding the market and the shopping centers, human waste and the scent of urine have become Seattle's perfume, and psych wards and needle clinics have been installed next to children's stores and your local Starbucks.

If that young woman respected her face as much as she respected her body, she would have stopped traffic with her beauty. Instead, she shocks people and pushes them away...much is the same about Seattle.

Is Seattle truly the Emerald City....am I blinded by my cynicism.....or has it become a tarnished jewel?